10% Happier With Dan Harris

Move on from the inner critic and beat perfectionism without lowering your standards. Dr. Ellen Hendriksen is a clinical psychologist who helps people calm their anxiety and be their authentic self. She serves on the faculty at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders (CARD) and is the author of HOW TO BE ENOUGH: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists and HOW TO BE YOURSELF: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety. You can find her on Substack at How to Be Good to Yourself When You're Hard on Yourself. This episode originally aired in 2025.  In this episode we talk about: The relationship between perfectionism and anxiety The definition of perfectionism––and why the word is actually a misnomer Dr. Hendriksen's own struggles with perfectionism, and how they manifested physically The difference between healthy perfectionism and unhealthy perfectionism Changing your relationship with your inner critic  Shifting from rigid rules to flexibility Keeping high standar

Plus: How your envy can be useful, why you're an unreliable narrator of your own life, and why you keep choosing partners who echo the unfinished business of your childhood. Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which has sold over three million copies and has been translated into over 30 languages. In addition to her clinical practice, she writes The New York Times "Ask the Therapist" advice column and is co-host of the popular "Dear Therapists" podcast and the advice podcast Since You Asked.  In this episode we talk about: Why insight alone doesn't change anything, and what "idiot compassion" gets wrong Whether you actually need to like your therapist Why there's no such thing as a hierarchy of pain How to spot a help-rejecting complainer, including in yourself What envy is actually trying to tell you Why a real boundary is a bid for connection, not a cutoff Why we're all unreliable narrators, and how to edit the story you tell about

Why optimization is a joy blocker, how to find the 'yes' inside the 'no,' and why that restless ache you can't shake is actually your compass. Kate Bowler, PhD is a four-time New York Times bestselling author, award-winning podcast host, and an Associate Professor of American Religious History at Duke University. She studies the cultural stories we tell ourselves about success, suffering, and whether (or not) we're capable of change. Her newest book is Joyful, Anyway. In this episode we talk about: The dangerous difference between joy and happiness Why optimization and self-mastery are quietly killing your capacity for delight How to find the "yes" inside every "no" (even when things are genuinely terrible) The ache and restlessness you can't shake—and why it's actually your compass, not a problem to solve What grace actually looks like when control disappears How to stop trying to improve your way into joy The "assignment" that changes how you show up for other people Why survival isn't the point—living is

What a fake guru discovered about genuine connection, why ancient wisdom survives even the most rigorous skepticism, and the real reason humans crave spiritual authority. Vikram Gandhi is an award-winning and boundary-pushing director of fiction and non-fiction film and television. Vikram most recently co-directed The Man Will Burn — a five-part HBO Original Documentary Series on the full arc of Burning Man, from its countercultural roots in San Francisco to the 80,000-person desert event it's become. In this episode we talk about: Why an experiment built to reject capitalism ended up swimming in it What playing a fake guru taught him about how belief actually works Why people are often more comfortable opening up to a stranger than to those closest to them What religion, cryptocurrency, and Burning Man all have in common How to find meaning in ancient wisdom without needing to belong to anything And much more Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social:

Simple practices for not believing everything you think, becoming less reactive, and handling whatever life throws at you. Joseph Goldstein is a cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society and the Barre Center for Buddhist Studies, both in Barre, Massachusetts. He is the author of many books including, most recently, Dreamscapes of the Mind.  In this episode we talk about: Why your thoughts have so much power over you — and how to take it back A surprisingly funny technique for dealing with self-judgment Why trying to get rid of an unwanted thought often makes it worse The difference between recognizing an emotion and actually being mindful of it Why sadness and unhappiness aren't the same thing And much more Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

Plus: combatting loneliness, turning down the volume on social comparison, and why mattering to a few people beats outperforming everyone. Gordon Flett is a Professor in the Department of Psychology at York University where he has served as the Director of the LaMarsh Centre for Child and Youth Research. Dr. Flett is most known for his influential research on perfectionism in health and mental health and his more recent work on the psychology of mattering.  In this episode we talk about: The difference between perfectionism and healthy striving How perfectionism functions as a coping mechanism for unmet needs for love, belonging, and significance What "mattering" actually means Antimattering (and our fear of not mattering) Why feeling like you matter to others can loosen the grip of perfectionism Why people consistently underestimate how much they matter to others Practical ways to help others feel like they matter Why helping others feel like they matter boomerangs back and boosts your own sense of signific

The time the Dalai Lama went bowling in their basement, the time a stranger showed up with exactly the $15,000 they were missing — and more behind-the-scenes stories from 50 years of IMS. In 1975, a handful of young Americans fresh back from years of intensive practice in India and Burma pooled together $150,000 they didn't have and bought a former Catholic novitiate in rural Massachusetts. Fifty years later, the Insight Meditation Society has become one of the most consequential institutions in the history of Buddhism in the West — the place where Jon Kabat-Zinn had the idea that became Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, and where, as one longtime yogi put it, the whole thing has run for half a century "without any adult supervision whatsoever." For IMS's 50th anniversary, Dan sits down with four of its founding teachers — Jack Kornfield, Joseph Goldstein, Sharon Salzberg, and Jacqueline Mandell — along with Steven Schwartz, who helped get the organization built in the first place. Together they trace the f

Plus: the four questions the Buddha said you should ask before you speak, the truth about gossip, and what to do when compassion and honesty pull in opposite directions. Sharon Salzberg is a meditation pioneer, world-renowned teacher, and New York Times bestselling author. She is among the first to bring mindfulness & lovingkindness meditation to mainstream American culture fifty years ago.  In this episode we talk about: What the Buddha actually said about how to talk to people, and why almost none of us were ever taught it  The four questions to ask yourself before you open your mouth  Whether white lies are ever okay  The difference between being kind and being nice  Is it ever okay to gossip?  Why shame is the enemy of change, and what "right" in right speech actually means  How to remember any of this when you're mid-conversation with a difficult person Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channe

Why ruminating after hours is unpaid overtime — plus, how to handle bad bosses, beat the Sunday scaries, and actually recharge. Dr. Guy Winch is an internationally renowned psychologist and bestselling author who advocates for integrating the science of emotional health into our daily lives. His 3 TED Talks have garnered over 35 million views and his science based self-help books have been translated into 30 languages. His newest book is: Mind Over Grind: How to Break Free When Work Hijacks Your Life. In this episode we talk about: Why work stress is at an all-time high — and what the pandemic permanently broke How to tell the difference between regular stress and full-blown burnout Why ruminating about a bad day at the office is unpaid overtime — and how to stop Techniques for coaching yourself through hard moments without lying to yourself How to actually recover after work — and why collapsing on the couch isn't the same as recharging How to set limits with a difficult boss without torching th

On nuclear fusion, solid-state batteries, driverless cars, and other innovations — and why, for one cynical disaster reporter, meeting the scientists building them changed everything. Rob Marciano is the national weather correspondent for CBS News and a Cornell-trained scientist with more than 30 years in television news. A former co-host of Weekend Good Morning America at ABC News, he's also the co-author, alongside physicist James Trefil, of The Next Big Thing: Innovations for a Better, Smarter, Stronger Tomorrow. Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris  

Plus: how trauma rewires the brain, why connection is the most powerful regulator, and small practices that actually work. Dr. Bruce Perry is the Principal of the Neurosequential Network and a Professor at the School of  Allied Health, Human Services and Sport, La Trobe University, Melbourne, Victoria Australia. His work on the impact of abuse, neglect and trauma on development has informed clinical practice, programs and policy across the world. Dr. Perry's most recent book, What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing, co-authored with Oprah Winfrey, has been translated into 26 languages and has been on the New York Times Bestseller list for over 100 weeks after becoming #1 on the list in April of 2021. In this episode we talk about: EMDR and the importance of moving your body  The hardest type of trauma to deal with  The perks of getting in touch with the fact that, to quote Dr. Perry, everyone is wandering around in a fucking fog...and how this perspective helps us become

Why talking to your boss, your doctor, or anyone with power puts your brain on high alert — and what a Stanford psychologist says to do about it.  Claude M. Steele is a professor of psychology at Stanford University and the author of a new book, Churn: The Tension That Divides Us and How to Overcome It.  In this episode we talk about: Why talking across difference is so stressful, even when nobody's being bigoted What's actually happening in your brain during an awkward cross-cultural moment The surprisingly simple thing that makes critical feedback land or fall flat How to reduce tension when you're the one with power (and what to do when you're not) A three-part framework for building trust across any divide Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris This episode is sponsored by:

Say "no" more, audit your calendar, rewire your inner critic, and keep the promises you make to yourself. Robin Arzón is Vice President of Fitness Programming and Head Instructor at Peloton, a 27x marathon and ultra-marathon runner, three-time New York Times bestselling author, the founder of Swagger Society and host of Project Swagger.  In this episode we talk about: Redefining hustle Intensity vs. volume Using jealousy as data Psychological distancing and self-talk Why motivation is a myth Lowering the barrier to entry Planning for the messy middle Breathwork as a cheat code Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris This episode is sponsored by:  BiOptimizers: Magnesium Breakthrough delivers seven forms of magnesium to support your nervous system, stress response, and daily recove

Why your body is the fastest way to change your mental state — and how friction, protein, and resistance training make it work. Dr. Gabrielle Lyon is a physician and the founder of what she calls Muscle-Centric Medicine. She's the New York Times bestselling author of Forever Strong, and her new book is The Forever Strong Playbook. In this episode we talk about: Why muscle is the organ of longevity The three stress responses and the courage response Why distraction is the biggest health crisis Protein and why most of us aren't eating enough of it How to think about intuitive eating Minimum effective dose for exercise Recovery as you age The case for adding more friction to your life Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris This episode is sponsored by:  BiOptimizers: Magnesium Breakt

No-nonsense advice on sleep, diet, exercise, social connection, keeping your brain sharp, and not being a schmuck. Ezekiel J. Emanuel, MD, PhD is a Vice Provost and Professor at the University of Pennsylvania. A bioethicist, health policy expert, and oncologist, he was one of the architects of the Affordable Care Act. He is a regular guest on CNN and MSNBC and frequently contributes to The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, and The Atlantic. His new book is Eat Your Ice Cream: Six Simple Rules for a Long and Healthy Life. In this episode we talk about: Why longevity shouldn't be the goal — and what to aim for instead The single most powerful intervention for a long, healthy life (hint: it's not exercise) The neuroscience of friendship: how social connection literally changes your brain and body Six practical, science-backed rules for living well — from an oncologist with nothing to sell Why ultra-processed food and sugary drinks are doing more damage than almost anything else The c

Plus: Hyperbaric chambers, red-light therapy, mRNA, cancer research, and the surprising importance of boredom and friction. Kara Swisher is a veteran tech journalist, host of the Pivot podcast with Scott Galloway, and one of the most influential voices covering the intersection of technology and power. Her new CNN documentary series, Kara Swisher Wants to Live Forever, takes on the longevity industry — separating genuine medical breakthroughs from the pseudoscience being sold to anyone with a credit card and a fear of aging. Kara Swisher has been covering Silicon Valley longer than most of its billionaires have been rich — and she's watched them turn a simple fear of death into a multi-billion dollar industry of expensive, largely unproven interventions. After her own stroke at 49, she decided to investigate: what actually works, what's a grift, and what does the science really say about living longer? The result is a new CNN documentary series that's part BS-detector, part genuinely hopeful look at the medic

Lessons learned from 12 years of serious meditation. Diego Perez is a meditator and #1 New York Times bestselling author who is widely known by his pen name, Yung Pueblo. His writing focuses on the power of self-healing, creating healthy relationships, and the wisdom that comes when we truly work on knowing ourselves.  In this episode we talk about: How to burn off your mind's conditioning The suffering that comes from clinging in a world characterized by relentless change What selfless listening is, and how to do it The liberation that comes from equanimity Some of the incredibly valuable lessons he's learned from 12 years of meditation How to make better decisions for your future self How to have boundless compassion without being a pushover Why  being able to see perspectives outside of your own is a sign of intelligence and mental strength And much more Related Episodes: Jack Kornfield & Yung Pueblo On: How To Meditate When You're Freaking Out, the Limits of the Thinking Mind, & Balancing Self

Your health, relationships, and self-esteem all hinge on your attachment style. Here's how to know if you're anxious or avoidant — and how to get more secure. Dr. Amir Levine is a Columbia-trained psychiatrist and neuroscientist and coauthor of the multi-million-copy bestseller Attached, which brought attachment theory into mainstream conversation and remains the #1 book on Amazon in Relationships more than a decade later. His new book Secure expands this work into emotional regulation and everyday well-being. In this episode we talk about: What attachment theory is  The four attachment styles — anxious, avoidant, secure, and fearful avoidant — and how to identify which one you are Why your attachment style is not fixed and how it can change  What happens in your brain when you're ignored or excluded How being securely connected can extend your life The five pillars of a secure life  How to right-size a relationship with someone unreliable  Small, seemingly insignificant daily interactions as vehicles for

We're all hooked on something. Here's the way out, according to an MD who became a beloved nun. Sister Dang Nghiem, MD, ("Sister D") was born in 1968 in Vietnam during the Tet Offensive, the daughter of a Vietnamese mother and an American soldier. She lost her mother at the age of twelve and immigrated to the United States at the age of seventeen with her brother. Living in various foster homes, she learned English and went on to earn a medical degree from the University of California – San Francisco. After suffering further tragedy and loss, she quit her practice as a doctor to travel to Plum Village monastery in France founded by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, where she was ordained a nun in 2000, and given the name Dang Nghiem, which means adornment with nondiscrimination. She is the author of a memoir, Healing: A Woman's Journey from Doctor to Nun (2010), and Mindfulness as Medicine: A Story of Healing and Spirit (2015). This episode is part of our monthlong Do Life Better series.  We talk about: Sister D'

Why seeing yourself cling is the beginning of freedom — and other Buddhist insights that will stick with you. Pascal Auclair has been immersed in Buddhist practice and study since 1997, sitting retreats in Asia and America. He has been mentored by Joseph Goldstein and Jack Kornfield, who have both been previous guests on this show. Pascal is now a core teacher at the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) in Massachusetts. He is also a co-founder of True North Insight and one of its guiding teachers.  In this episode we talk about: What the Four Kinds of Clinging are — and why the Buddha thought this list mattered How clinging to pleasure actually makes pleasure harder to enjoy The "wrong views" that cause the most suffering — and how to hold your opinions less tightly Why clinging to rules and routines shows up in the most ordinary places (including who puts the onions in the pan first) What self-identification is, and why loosening it leads to less guilt, shame, and anxiety A simple bedside inquiry for getting u