The Art Of Charm | High Performance Techniques| Cognitive Development | Relationship Advice | Mastery Of Human Dynamics

Frank Sesno (@franksesno) is an award-winning journalist with more than 30 years of experience, and the author of Ask More: The Power of Questions to Open Doors, Uncover Solutions, and Spark Change. "If you want to confront a problem, you have to go looking for it -- and cannot avert your eyes when you find it." -Frank Sesno The Cheat Sheet: Knowing how to ask good questions is a springboard to understanding others and making better connections. Why we should think of our line of questioning as a diet -- and ensure that it's balanced. Which of eleven categories of questions we should ask (e.g. diagnostic, empathetic, strategic, creative, etc.) when we seek a certain outcome. How to get through to people who don't want to connect -- and build trust and rapport in the process. What it means to maintain intimate distance when questioning someone -- and how it allows us to really listen to what they're trying to tell us. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/651/ Find out more about t

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. When something goes wrong in our lives, sometimes we fixate on its emotional impact -- how it makes us feel in the moment -- rather than what difference it will make in the long run (which may be minimal). Tinker Dabble Doodle Try: Unlock the Power of the Unfocused Mind author Dr. Srini Pillay shows us how to control this emotional feedback with the CIRCA mnemonic. Make sure to check out his entire episode: The Power of the Unfocused Mind, and his other Minisode Monday:  Dabbling: Not Just for Dilettantes! The Cheat Sheet: When something goes wrong in your life, ask yourself: is this important, or just traumatic? We can gauge this by using the CIRCA mnemonic. C: Chunking. Break down the problem into its component parts; solve it over a period of time. I: Ignore mental chatter. Observe your thoughts; don't become your thoughts. R: Reality c

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Here's an example of advertising selling only emotion because the product itself truly lacks value. Best man duties are an honor, but they can be stressful. Here's our advice for handling them with grace and...charm. Learning to run your own business doesn't have to be a sink or swim proposition if you start it as a side hustle to your main job. Do you understand the difference between complicated and complex tasks? Suffer from misophonia? There's a Facebook support group! Some listener perspectives on excusamine (as discussed in FMF 126). Would you choose to make $50,000 when your coworkers make 25,000, or $100,000 when your coworkers make $200,000? How does someone approach dating when they find themselves deviating from social norms in many ways? How long should you give a new job a chance before deciding it's not what you sign

General Ann Dunwoody (@AnnDunwoody) grew up as an Army brat in a family with four generations of West Pointers, became the first female four-star general in the US, and is the author of A Higher Standard: Leadership Strategies from America's First Female Four-Star General. "Good leaders never stop learning." -General Ann Dunwoody The Cheat Sheet: Why it's important to never walk by a mistake -- unless you want to set a new, lower standard. Why keeping a higher standard is not just personally gratifying, but economically viable. Why good leaders aren't invincible -- and don't try to be. How to leverage advocates and attractors for the benefit of all. What organizations lose by ignoring the power of diversity -- and why it's not just "a PC thing." And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/650/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes wi

Rob Reid (@Rob_Reid) is a tech entrepreneur (Listen.com, Rhapsody), early-stage tech investor, and author of New York Times Bestseller Year Zero: A Novel and, most recently, After On: A Novel of Silicon Valley. "The passage of time makes wizards of us all." -Rob Reid The Cheat Sheet: How Rob Reid excelled in two vastly different fields: as a tech entrepreneur and a sci-fi author. How society is being reshaped by the tech curve. Futurisms like AI and synthetic biology. A great mindset for approaching interactions with others that maximizes value and learning. How to find your "true north." And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/649/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! SmartMouth is the only activated oral rinse clinically proven to eliminate existing bad breath and prevent it from returning for a full twelve hours per rinse. Visit SmartMouth.com to get an in-depth, scientific analysis of how SmartMouth is able to deliver such incredible results! Wit

Rob Reid (@Rob_Reid), author of After On: A Novel of Silicon Valley, will be joining us for a full episode tomorrow. But on this Minisode Monday, we share one of his exercises designed to help us cut back on some of the bad habits we have when conversing and relating with others. The Cheat Sheet: Over the next few weeks or months, record ten hours of conversations with people -- acquaintances, strangers, Lyft drivers, whoever -- using something like a voice memos app or Ecamm Call Recorder on Skype. Listen to yourself with a critical ear. It will impart priceless knowledge about how you come across to other people. We all have annoying habits we're wholly unaware of. But we also have budding conversational superpowers that we could nurture if we only knew they were lurking at the surface. Ten hours is a lot. It will make you cringe. It will also help you get rid of filler words, tics, and other unintentional habits for leaner, more powerful conversations. Get out of your comfort zone and get recording! To le

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: When you're a young female moving to a new city, is looking for roommates on Craigslist advisable? Thanks to Jeff McCollister (@the1hatter) for giving us a proper source for The Guy in the Glass poem we talked about last week. It was written in 1934 by Peter "Dale" Wimbrow Sr., who was not a death row inmate -- in spite of what the Internet tries to tell us. Regardless, it's still very powerful. Tipping isn't just good manners -- it's good social dynamics. If you're going to change your dietary habits, make sure it's for the right reasons and not because you were swayed by an AoC Challenge critical-thinking exercise! What's wrong with being sexy? You shouldn't start a podcast unless you don't care if people listen. Documentary of the Week: Icarus Quick shoutouts to Colin and Runa Ludthard and AoC sister Lida in Sweden! Have any qu

Charlamagne Tha God (@cthagod) is a radio presenter (The Breakfast Club Power 105.1 FM), television personality (Uncommon Sense Live), podcaster, and author of Black Privilege: Opportunity Comes to Those Who Create It. "Living scared gives you a sense of purpose!" -Charlamagne Tha God The Cheat Sheet: What transformed Lenard McKelvey into Charlamagne The God? How Charlamagne went from selling crack in a small town to becoming a radio and television personality -- and now author. Why the moment you think you can't transcend your circumstances -- whatever they may be -- is the moment you won't. How Charlamagne reframed his background to become an advantage rather than a hindrance. Why it's important not to live someone else's expectations -- and how to figure out when expectations are actually your own. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/647/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50%

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. This time around, we talk about an easy, everyday habit you can cultivate to renew contact with old acquaintances (lest they -- and you -- be forgot)! Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: Every single day, text one or two people with whom you haven't spoken in a while. If you use social media: As guest David Burkus recommended when he was on the show: use your newsfeed. Instead of merely "liking" something about which your old acquaintance is posting on social media, send a text or email. If you don't use social media, open your phone's text messaging app and scroll all the way down -- the people at the bottom are the ones you haven't spoken to in ages. Greet them with a sentence or two to let them know you're thinking of them, and make it clear a return response isn't required. Let us know how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! T

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: How do you deal with a toxic co-worker who happens to be related to the owner of the company? How does public speaking differ between salespeople and teachers? Listener thoughts on destigmatizing misophonia. Finding the right fit when changing jobs is always a gamble, but you always have this option. Feedback from our IRS agent friend from FMF 125: "Listening instead of thinking ahead" is a work in progress. What do you tell the family of judgmental Ivy Leaguers about the break you took from college when you were pretending to be there all along? Documentary of the Week: The Internet's Own Boy: The Story of Aaron Swartz Quick shoutouts to Ian Fischer in Senegal and Kyle Schaffer in China! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Check out Jordan's (@TheArtofC

Mark Divine (@MarkDivine) is a former Navy SEAL Commander, SEALFIT founder, and author of Unbeatable Mind: Forge Resiliency and Mental Toughness to Succeed at an Elite Level. The Cheat Sheet: Why would a blueblood CPA decide to leave the family business and become a Navy SEAL? What does "Earn your trident every day" mean to a Navy SEAL? How can anyone -- from doctors and lawyers to mothers and students -- benefit from training mental toughness like a Navy SEAL? How does someone stuck within the rut of a horizontal skillset switch to ascending a vertical skillset? Why you don't have to be born with the warrior spirit -- it can be taught to you if you're willing to learn. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/646/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- The Art of Charm listeners get one month free here! Whether you're a lady or a gent, you don't need to know what MicroModal fa

Richard Clarke (@ghsrm) is the former National Coordinator for Security, Infrastructure Protection, and Counter-Terrorism for the United States, and is the co-author of Warnings: Finding Cassandras to Stop Catastrophes. "When you're a bureaucrat -- an unelected official -- it's not a popularity contest. You don't have to be popular; you just have to get the job done." -Richard Clarke The Cheat Sheet: What is the Cassandra Coefficient? Discover how to use the Cassandra Coefficient to filter signal from noise when it comes to warnings. Understand how to spot our own cognitive biases and what we can do to diminish their effect on our decisions. Learn to persuade people to see things from our perspective and motivate them to take action. Find out what someone at the top levels of government does when their personal politics don't agree with those of the current administration. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/645/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast he

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. Tinker Dabble Doodle Try: Unlock the Power of the Unfocused Mind author Dr. Srini Pillay rejoins us to talk about how we can benefit from the seemingly meandering path of dabbling to unlock creativity and make useful connections between disparate interests. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: If you're only looking forward and focusing on a task you've set out to tackle, your brain is only using a small portion of its resources. To access the rest, understand the power of dabbling. We need regular distractions from our primary course of action -- like hobbies. If you engage in a hobby for one hour a day, you can prolong life and protect your brain from dementia. Hobbies also trigger the brain's unfocused mode, which activates your creative circuits and helps you make connections you might otherwise miss. It was by this dabbling that Steve Jo

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Is it possible you carry yourself in a way that raises red flags for social gatekeepers? A party is not a dissertation defense. What would be a better career path than mechanic for someone with a natural skillset with people? Why don't we have the same sponsors as other shows? #VanLife: It turns out living in a van down by the river isn't just for Chris Farley anymore. But is it for you? [Related: Episode 557 with Joshua Fields Millburn of The Minimalists] Jordan performs spoken word: If the Man in the Mirror Documentary of the Week: Jiro Dreams of Sushi Quick shoutouts to Joshua Henry -- who plays Aaron Burr on the Hamilton tour -- and Dr. Jerry Altman on a medical mission in Hawassa, Ethiopia! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Check out Jordan's (@Th

Garry Kasparov (@Kasparov63) is a Russian chess grandmaster, political activist, and author of Deep Thinking: Where Machine Intelligence Ends and Human Creativity Begins and Winter Is Coming: Why Vladimir Putin and the Enemies of the Free World Must Be Stopped. The Cheat Sheet: The part chess played in promoting Soviet Russian ideology during the Cold War. What it takes to become a chess champion now compared to 50 years ago and why Garry considers the game "one of the most aggressive forces of psychological warfare." What can and can't be applied from chess to politics and decision making. What Garry knows from experience about authoritarian governments and why we need to be vigilant against them now more than ever. Is our civilization poised for progress or ruin now that supercomputers can beat superhumans at tournament-level chess? And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/644/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Getting a business loan is now fast

Srini Pillay (@srinipillay) is a world renowned, Harvard-trained psychiatrist, former Director of the Outpatient Anxiety Disorders Program at McLean Hospital, and author of Tinker Dabble Doodle Try: Unlock the Power of the Unfocused Mind. "Most of us spend about 46.9 percent of our days daydreaming anyway. So why not learn to unfocus in a more productive way?" -Srini Pillay The Cheat Sheet: When 90-98 percent of mental activity is unconscious, focus can only get you so far. How focus and unfocus work in the brain. How positive constructive daydreaming helps us become more creative. Why doodling can improve memory by 29 percent. Discover the concept of possibility thinking for solving seemingly intractable problems. And so much more... Full show notes at https://theartofcharm.com/643/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Tr

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. This time around, we discuss how going just a little out of your way to make someone else's day better has more mileage than any minor inconvenience you may experience in that fleeting moment. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: It's easy to ignore small tasks that someone else usually takes care of. But what happens when we take a minor detour from our own routine to help lighten someone else's load? As we soon discover, doing the hard thing isn't usually that hard. As Jocko Willink might agree, this is a form of taking ownership (though perhaps not as extreme as some of his own examples). Doing small favors takes little effort, but results in big appreciation. Find an opportunity to go above and beyond this week -- whether it's cleaning up after a clumsy pet, washing the dishes, or sweeping the neighbor's walkway -- doing the hard thing is

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: How do you gracefully address the one guy in your group who constantly tries to dominate the conversation? Some feedback for our listener from FMF 122 about coping with a suicidal ex. Who the heck is this AJ character? A listener moving to China to teach English asks for advice from others in the AoC community who have done the same; Jordan shares his method for learning new languages. What if your misophonia goes to 11? No matter how bad your situation, just remember that someone, somewhere, has got it worse. But it's also not a contest. Documentary(ish movie) of the Week: Rosewater Quick shoutouts to Rachel Starr and Rob! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Check out Jordan's (@TheArtofCharm) other show: The Forbes List, and Jason's (@jpdef) other show

Lynn Lyons (@lynnlyonsmsw) has been a psychotherapist for 27 years and is the co-author of Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous and Independent Children and its companion book, Playing with Anxiety: Casey's Guide for Teens and Kids. "If you're uncertain and uncomfortable, you're probably on a good path to some sort of discovery or success or meeting some challenge that's in front of you." -Lynn Lyons The Cheat Sheet: What's the difference between anxiety and worry? Why the content of what we worry about is far less important than the process of how worry operates. Anxiety, worry, and depression are all fueled by the predictable and redundant processes of global, catastrophic, and permanent thinking. Why the more we adhere to the demands of anxiety, the stronger that anxiety becomes. How to shift out of the current frame that seeks to eliminate discomfort, worry, and uncertainty and instead develop a relationship with it. And so much more... Full show notes at ht

Daniel Levitin (@danlevitin) is a cognitive psychologist, neuroscientist, musician, record producer, and author of Weaponized Lies: How to Think Critically in the Post-Truth Era. "Your brain clings tenaciously to beliefs that it's held, even when the evidence has been found to be bogus or untrue." -Daniel Levitin The Cheat Sheet: The most important quality for anyone who wants to be an evidence-based, critical thinker. Why even society's smartest people fall victim to misinformation. The first step to making good decisions. How to dismantle bad arguments on the fly. Why we need to look beyond averages when making a case. And so much more... Full show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/641/ Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Avoid trips to the post office with Stamps.com -- The Art of Charm listeners get a postal scale and $55 of postage for free here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by usin