The Art Of Charm | High Performance Techniques| Cognitive Development | Relationship Advice | Mastery Of Human Dynamics

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Is quitting something stable you hate to do something risky you've always wanted to do -- with no promise of success -- worth it? Do you tough it out and try to have a good attitude at your current job -- with which you have ethical and professional issues -- until you can go full time on your side hustle, or do you acknowledge the problems and find another job in the meantime? What's an effective, reasonable, yet not terribly costly way to learn a foreign language? The disgruntled educator who wrote to us in Fan Mail Friday 78 reports back with a very encouraging update. You're in the process of making legitimate personal improvements since you and your significant other -- with whom you have children -- had a hard breakup. You want to get back together, but the feeling doesn't seem to be mutual. Can they be actively won back, or

Charles Duhigg (@cduhigg) is a Pulitzer prize-winning reporter at The New York Times and author of Smarter Faster Better: The Secrets of Being Productive in Life and Business and The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. The Cheat Sheet: What's the difference between what we think and how we think? Learn more about the science of motivation and what makes us tick. Compare the internal vs. external locus of control. What is cognitive tunneling and when does it affect us? Discover how we can use mental models to avoid it. Find out how to increase creativity even when we hit a block. And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a pr

Paul Bloom (@paulbloomatyale) is a developmental psychologist and author of the upcoming Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion. He joins us to talk about the evolution of our innate (but limited) morality and what we as modern, rational humans can do to overcome this programming. The Cheat Sheet: Do we learn good and evil as we grow up, or are they hard-wired into us by evolution? Are we all just closet racists (with some of us just more closeted than others)? How can we scientifically test biases in babies who seemingly only express themselves by cooing and pooping? Good news: innate moral sense exists. Bad news: innate moral sense exists, but is limited. The goal of a modern culture is to make it a bit less limited. What can we do to change the us vs. them monologue with which we're born? And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! DesignCrowd helps startups and small busine

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. This week we tackle one of the most overused words today: gratitude. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: When you repeat something enough, it often loses its meaning. Through overuse, "gratitude" seems to be one of the latest casualties of this phenomenon. But done right, gratitude is one of the most powerful tools we have for life improvement -- it's one of the straightest and shortest paths to happiness and connection, and it utilizes thankfulness for things we already have rather than goading us toward what's currently out of reach. The word thanks comes from the Old English thanc, which means thought or gratitude. But it's also related to the Latin tongere, which means to know. So to thank is really to know. To know someone and to know yourself -- to know what they did for you and to know how it affected you. We can't really summon the p

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Is it possible to strike a balance between a no-strings-attached friendship and a relationship to benefit from the best of both worlds? How can you turn your good ideas into a business when you're always being pressured into taking dead end jobs just to make ends meet? Does using profanity make you cool as #*$&? Is there any way to remain a friend with your best friend's significant other when they aggressively pursue you for...more than friendship? Is "you have to tell them like it is or they will walk all over you" really an efficacious customer relations strategy? A quick shoutout to Kady T (not her real name), who listens to AoC while trying to find a new home and launch a business while she raises her 11-month-old baby in a shelter for abused women. Next time you think your life is overwhelming, remember Kady T! For what it's

The Art of Charm (@TheArtofCharm) presents one of the most important tools in the toolbox: perfecting your elevator pitch -- a brief and memorable introduction you could make to a fellow passenger in the time it takes to get from the lobby to the penthouse suite. The Cheat Sheet: Do you fear being asked the "what do you do for a living" question? Learn what an elevator pitch is and what you should make sure it includes. What is the Tornado Technique and how can it whittle down your elevator pitch to be most effective? Use these methods to practice and get your presentation down. Understand self-reflective analysis so your pitch can evolve as you do instead of being a stale reflection of who you were last year -- or 10 years ago. And so much more... If you want the most amazing shave possible, take it from us: use a fresh DSC Executive blade and Dr. Carver's Shave Butter -- two reasons to join Dollar Shave Club here today! Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- The Art o

Penn Jillette (@pennjillette) is the vocal half of comic magician duo Penn & Teller and author of Presto!: How I Made Over 100 Pounds Disappear and Other Magical Tales. The Cheat Sheet: The role of flow (or autopilot) in high-level performing. Why Penn & Teller are constantly pushed and driven to innovate. Why it's important to question the things we want to believe the most. How tough love should play into the creative process when you're collaborating with someone you respect. Does moderation deserve respect? And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Avoid trips to the post office with Stamps.com -- The Art of Charm listeners get a postal scale and $55 of postage for free here! Whether you're a lady or a gent, you don't need to know what MicroModal fabric is to enjoy the comfort of MeUndies; you just need to wear them -- support this show (and yourself) with MeUndies here for 20% off!

In this Minisode Monday, we may not be able to change someone else's behavior directly, but we can change the role we play in our relationship with them. Let's get to it!: The Cheat Sheet: What can you do if the bad behavior of a friend is reinforced every time you pick up the slack for them? The roles we play in the lives of others directly affect the nature of our relationships. You can't go outside without a jacket in the middle of winter and blame the weather for being too cold. We may not be able to change someone else's behavior directly, but we can change the role we play in our relationship with them. In short: don't try to change other people. Change the role you play in their life. By changing your role, you take control and accept your own actions and consequences. To learn more about social dynamics and taking control in the roles we play in the lives of others, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into p

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: In a relationship, can trust be rebuilt once broken? More important: should it be? A self-described alpha female has been trying Kimberly Seltzer's dating advice, but it seems to be backfiring. What's the deal? Do men really love "bitches?" (Her word, not ours!) Do you find yourself constantly getting placed into positions of leadership by others? Is it really possible to get left holding the ladder...for yourself? Do you ever create scenarios or situations you may encounter with others and try to solve them before they actually exist -- and does this lead to false judgments and misunderstandings? How do you continue to work with someone who is insecure, insincere, and threatened by you, but is definitely not going anywhere because the CEO believes in him? Quick shoutouts to Joshua Francium from Indiana -- who listens to AoC on hi

Srdja Popovic (@SrdjaPopovic) is the author of Blueprint for Revolution: How to Use Rice Pudding, Lego Men, and Other Nonviolent Techniques to Galvanize Communities, Overthrow Dictators, or Simply Change the World. The Cheat Sheet: What do revolutions and businesses have in common? Why nonviolence is more popular (and more effective). Why there are no charismatic leaders in the most successful revolutions. How to make a revolution cool by using comedy. How was '90s Serbia like Middle Earth in the era of The Lord of The Rings (Hobbits and all)? And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Don't like to shop for clothes? Let Five Four Club be your personal fashion stylist. Complete a short style quiz and receive a monthly curated package at your doorstep! Go to fivefourclub.com and use promo code CHARM at sign-up to get 50% off your first package! DesignCrowd helps startups and small busines

Mark Manson (@IAmMarkManson) returns to the show to talk about his new book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life -- available today! F-bomb alert level: juicy orange. The Cheat Sheet: Conventional life advice -- all that positive, happy, self-help stuff we hear all the time -- is actually fixating on what you lack and making you unhappy. Always assume you're wrong: if you're embarrassed about things you held to be true and dear 10 years ago, it stands to reason that things you hold true and dear today will be embarrassing 10 years from now. What The Feedback Loop from Hell is -- and why it's making you miserable. How you can use The Backwards Law to get out of the vicious cycle of comparing yourself to others. How The Self-Awareness Onion can lead you to a great understanding of yourself and your relationships. And so much more... Avoid trips to the post office with Stamps.com -- The Art of Charm listeners get a postal scale and $55 of postage for free here!

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable that you can implement right away. It'll make you more magnetic and effective. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: If you find your default mode is negative, how do you snap out of it? I use something called the Three Positive Things drill. This is not the same as what I usually dismiss about the positive thinking camp. When something bad happens, it's easy to complain. So I challenge you to do this instead: force yourself to think of three positive things about what's bothering you. You can't control an event, but you can control your reaction to it. For example, when I got water all over my pants in the airport washroom before a 14-hour flight, I considered: 1) my pants were actually kind of waterproof, 2) I got a funny story out of it, and 3) I didn't get any on my new shoes, so it wasn't really a big deal. It may sound ridiculous, but the Three Positive Things Drill actually forces your logical brain to reach (someti

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Feel like your resume is lacking in experience? Show 'em what you can build. More listener endorsements for the virtues of dual enrollment (something we wish we'd found out about sooner)! A listener brings some great advice to the "why do bad bosses happen to good employees?" discussion from Fan Mail Friday #76. When you're just starting out in the entertainment industry, how do you mingle and network with the rich and successful in your field when you barely have two pennies to your name? [Relevant reference: Nev Medhora | How to Crash Parties and Grow Your Network (Episode 390)] Two years into a mostly perfect relationship in which you motivate each other to be your best selves -- but the sex just doesn't happen as much as it used to. What do you do? Quick shoutouts to: Dena -- James Swanwick's girlfriend who listens to AoC reli

Brian Fetherstonhaugh (@BrianOgilvy) is the CEO of digital marketing agency OgilvyOne Worldwide and author of The Long View: Career Strategies to Start Strong, Reach High, and Go Far. The Cheat Sheet: Career math: calculations to help you appreciate the length of the career journey ahead and the strategies necessary to make it to the finish line. What percentage of your personal wealth do you think you'll accumulate after your 40th birthday? (The answer will probably surprise you.) Career fuel: what are you building today that you can carry for 40+ years? Career inventory: taking stock of the deep, longer term, transportable skills you've built over time. Do you succumb to temporal discounting -- choosing the present known over the future possible? And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Don't like to shop for clothes? Let Five Four Club be your personal fashion stylist. Complete a sh

Jenny Blake (@Jenny_Blake) is the author of Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One. She joins the show to help us better deal with the only real constant in life: change. The Cheat Sheet: How to make yourself more agile in your career. How to make sure you're not afraid to make a move forward instead of staying stagnant -- or worse: going for Plan B. How to actually pivot, and why it's not as drastic or dramatic as you might think. Why if you don't prepare for a pivot, you might be pivoted. How to know when it's time to quit your day job and go all-in on your side gig or make the leap to a different job or career entirely. And so much more... Hate grocery shopping but you love to cook? Blue Apron delivers recipes and farm fresh ingredients to you. As an Art of Charm listener, you get your first two meals free here! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable that you can implement right away. It'll make you more magnetic and effective. In this Minisode Monday, former and future guest Jon Levy -- author of The 2 AM Principle: Discover The Science of Adventure -- joins us to discuss the Copy Machine Effect and how to end a conversation without burning bridges. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: You can't always curate your company beforehand; the impressions you make are created by how you interact in real time, on the fly. Conversation is usually spontaneous. You don't want to offend someone you've just met, but what do you do if you find yourself in a conversation that's not ideal? How do you politely excuse yourself from the discussion without the other party taking it personally (and without feeling guilty)? Keep in mind that time is limited. While mingling with large groups of people, you'll see participation in some conversations as crucial, some as best put off for ano

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: How do you go back to your long-term marriage that needs work once you've become infatuated with someone who reminds you of all the things your partner is not? As we learned in episode 499 with Kimberly Seltzer, boundaries are imporant. But how do we know if we're closing ourselves off with too many boundaries? If you're an educator who's had to make countless compromises, it's hard not to become jaded when work politics hamstring the passion that got you into your field in the first place. Is there a way to realign your perspective and avoid the mounting bitterness you've been feeling about your job before you just leave it all behind for good? Some fan mail we get goes beyond the scope of our expertise, and we have to recommend professional help. Kimberly Seltzer gets another mention here for her in-depth episode about how to fi

Shep Gordon (@SupermenschShep) is a talent manager, Hollywood film agent, producer, and author of They Call Me Supermensch: A Backstage Pass to the Amazing Worlds of Film, Food, and Rock'n'Roll. He was featured in Mike Meyers' documentary Supermensch: The Legend of Shep Gordon about his life and times. The Cheat Sheet: How do you create history rather than waiting for it to happen? Do you have to be a jerk to make it in Hollywood? What's Shep's coupon system? What's the most selfish thing you can do? Is fame toxic? And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/shep-gordon-supermensch-maui-episode-544/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Robert Cialdini (@RobertCialdini) is a speaker, consultant, and author of Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion and, most recently, Pre-suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade. The Cheat Sheet: What is "pre-suasion," and how does it relate to the concepts inside influence? How persuasive people shape others' behavior and how we can use these techniques on others -- as well as ourselves. How to gain and retain someone's attention. How language, geography, and imaging alter our perceptions of what causes events -- and how the media uses these principles to influence us and set its agenda. How to increase our appeal by causing others to focus on us (and why this phenomenon often lands innocent people in jail). And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/robert-cialdini-pre-suasion-episode-543/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find th

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable that you can implement right away. It'll make you more magnetic and effective. Today, we're joined by recent guest, Unmistakable Creative host, and author of Unmistakable: Why Only is Better Than Best, Srini Rao. He'll tell us how to write 1,000 words a day without even thinking about it. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: In order to effortlessly write 1,000 words a day, you need to make it second nature in your daily routine -- like brushing your teeth. Writing by hand vs. writing by keyboard. Activation energy: the fewer steps there are for you to do something, the more likely you are to actually do it. Have the tools of your routine on hand and ready to perform. To minimize distractions, Srini recommends loading up Focus at Will (a subscription music service that helps you focus -- with science!), and blocking all attention-grabbing websites (or your browser itself) for an hour. If you're writing on a laptop, have y